Tonight, our class started off with a talk from Dr. Paul Gill from the International Center for the Study of Terrorism. His talk was focused on the Psychology of Suicide Terrorism--how do terrorist organization get people to commit suicide bombings. One point he made was that there are no "lone-wolf" suicide bombings. That is there was always a group of people recruiting, training and counting on this "living martyr" It's difficult to stand alone and make a decision and stick with it. But when there are a group of people encouraging you, joining the program with you, supporting you, praising you--it's a lot easier to commit to a task you may not have agreed to do otherwise. It is the communal support that they and their family receives that encourages so many young, educated, well-off people to sign up to kill themselves. This mentality reminded me of two other thoughts I'd like to share. One about my class at the Hebrew school this past weekend and the other about our fan behavior project.      

This past Sunday, my class was looking at the deed of loving kindness of honoring one's parents. We discussed the difference between honoring and loving and performed skits that related biblical tales to the concepts we were learning. One part of the day included reading a story about Dama ben Natina who was asked to take the jasper stone from his father's locked box to sell to the Sages while his father was sleeping. ben Natina refused to sell and the Sages decided to give him more money for the stone. Even with the higher offer, ben Natina refused to sell the stone asking "Shall I sell you the honor due to one's father and mother for money?" After reading the story and making sure my students understood what had happened, I asked what they would have done in Dama ben Natina's situation. Would they have sold the stone at the higher price or would they have acted like ben Natina. Of my six students, five responded that they would act like the character in the story. One of my students argued about why she would have sold the stone--claiming that this was a lot of money and could solve a lot of problems if the family was poor. Besides the fact that she was missing the concept of honoring one's parents even in difficult situations, I was impressed that she held her own when her classmates and I questioned her decision. She stuck by her argument, sighting evidence given in the story that supported her case. She didn't cave to the peer pressure around her. Maybe if these suicide bombers were more independent like my fourth grade student, there would be fewer terrorist attacks in this world. 
      
Secondly, in relation to fan behavior. The group mentality idea has been tossed around discussions before--fans act so poorly because they can't be singled out of the crowd. What if our policy was to implement a plan, like the text-a-tip program that enabled fans to single out bad behavior. If the group mentality was taken away, would fans act so poorly? If they knew they could get caught for bad behavior, would it still occur? 

Interesting to see a connection between suicide bombing psychology, peer pressure in Hebrew school and group mentality at sporting events. 

Recalculating. This was the take away message I got from President Spanier's interview with 4-time National Championship Women's Volleyball Coach Russ Rose. One of the earliest anecdotes Coach told was about a recent recruiting trip. The GPS kept telling him to turn around, turn around, "when possible make a legal u-turn" in that oh-so-annoying automated voice. After an hour, the GPS finally recalculated and Mr. Rose saved an hour on his journey--all because he knew what he was doing was the right move. I am one who gets lost very easily (I once walked over a body of water and had no idea), so I am very inclined to follow whatever the GPS tells me, even if it takes me out of my way. But on issues where I know what I want to accomplish is right, or that what I am currently doing is not perfect, I am very much inclined to find a way to accomplish my goal.     

This has to be our approach to the fan behavior problem. Our first solution may not be the best, but we need to find a way to ensure that this goal of improved fan behavior is met. We need to get creative with our approach to students, because from my research most students do not seem to think there is a problem with fan behavior on campus. Before we can fix the problem, we need to show them that there is a problem. Alumni like their traditions, but our sports culture at Penn State has changed. The amount of alcohol surrounding the game has increased exponentially and we need to address this issue in a way that respects the traditions but also adapts to the changing times. 
     
Mr. Rose was very fun to listen to and he had some interesting points about leadership: have no fears, do what is right even if not everyone agrees with you and have fun in what you do. 

So here I am, two weeks later. Since then, I have had several conversations with different adults working in different fields. I spoke to a rabbi, a BMB professor, and Dean Brady, in addition to extensive conversations with my parents and friends. I was not looking for them to tell me what to do, rather I was gathering information about the various options available to me so that I could make an informed decision about what I wanted to do. 
The conversation with the rabbi showed me that I need to find something that I have an emotional connection to--and not a hateful emotional connection. Dreading going to classes, just getting through the class without learning and not knowing when or how to apply freshly acquired knowledge is probably not the best major. Lesson: take the classes that pull at your heartstrings, that make you think and that you enjoy going to. 

In talking with Dean Brady, I learned that this decision does not have to be final right now. If I am accepted to Schreyer for BMB or Jewish studies, (1) I can switch my topic, with departmental approval and (2) my thesis research does not have to be in the field of my major. 

So I was set to stick with Jewish Studies as my primary major, drop the BMB major down to a minor and apply to Schreyer for Jewish Studies. 

Then I got an email from the BMB Department saying I qualify for nomination by the BMB department to Schreyer--meaning staying with the BMB major and doing my Honors Thesis in BMB research. I met with a BMB professor to talk about what BMB honors research would be like and whether it would be worth it to stay in a major that was causing me so much stress. I left the meeting really excited--looking forward to finding research opportunities and with the promise that the classes weren't as bad as I thought they would be. 

And then I tried to put a schedule for next semester together with BMB major courses and I was a mess again. Completely stressed out that the classes I needed conflicted with other commitments, prerequisite requirements I had yet to complete, and the worry of being three semesters behind. 

After a lengthy and emotional conversation with my parents, I went to sleep ready to start looking at this all over again the following day. When I woke up, I explored the BMB and Schreyer websites. I realized that I really didn't want to take all of the required classes for a BMB major. The stress I'm facing was not worth the BMB degree. However, if I do Honors thesis research in the BMB field, grad school in BMB may not be out of the question if I find that I really enjoy doing the research. My tentative schedule for next semester is filled with 3 Jewish studies courses, 2 general education classes and 1 BMB class to fulfill a BMB minor. Although it is not yet final, I feel a lot happier about this decision. :)

I've been spending a lot of time recently thinking about what I want to do with my life. It feels that I have to decide everything this week. And while I know that's not true, I do have some decisions I want to make about where I want to focus my studies and what I enjoy doing. 
At the moment, I am a double major in Biochemistry and Jewish Studies. I am currently enrolled in 21 credits and have a job, an internship, and I am a member of the PLA. Next semester I have to choose if I want to study Jewish studies or Biochemistry. My schedule won't allow for both. I have had several conversations with my parents and peers--people with different relationships to me so that I can make sure I talk about this decision with a full perspective. I have not done anything about this decision--dropping classes or filling out paper work because I may change my mind with these conversations. 

What I have concluded is that I want to continue to pursue a Jewish Studies major. I can see myself having multiple careers with this degree and I can see myself being really happy in any one of them--religious school director, rabbi, teacher, Hillel director, educator at a Hillel. I'd have options. With a biochemistry degree my choices seem to be research--research in industry or academic research, but research nonetheless. It feels one track with not many choices or room for exploration into other career paths. 

In terms of classes, I don't have to take that many more for Jewish studies--only two more classes are required. However, I want to take about 6-7 more classes because the topics interest me and I want to learn about them. With Biochemistry, there are 15 more required classes and they feel required. I would be taking the classes just to take the classes, not because I want to learn about them or am curious in what they are offering me, but because I have to take them in order to get this degree. 

I don't want to rule out the science as a profession though. I still want it to be an option if I change my mind later and realize I do want to do that research all day every day. So, if I change the major down to a minor, I would have the basic lab and educational requirements to go to graduate school for biochemistry, but I would not be burdening myself for the rest of my college career with classes that I do not want to take. 

I am planning on applying to Schreyer Honors College later this spring for Jewish studies, allowing me to explore an aspect of Judaism I want to learn more about and write a thesis on during my college career. Schreyer would keep me busy with honors classes and thesis research. I would stay for a fourth year and have something to do with my time. And I would not be taking semesters of 21 credits, 14 of which being science related. 

The conversations are still happening, but this is where I am so far. I'll keep you posted when I make more decisions.